i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
