Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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