did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
