Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
