Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
