That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
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The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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