Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
