Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
