On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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