On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
