Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
