absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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