i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
