Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
