I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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