Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I love having hate sex.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize