The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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