Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I had to cum in my sink.
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