Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
