this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
