Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
