My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
