do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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