It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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