One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
