He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
