i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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