I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
