We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
