Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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