I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
