dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
