4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
