I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
