Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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