I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
