:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
