as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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