Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hell yes lets make some ravioli
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
