I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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