ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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