I will die if light touches me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
