Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
