"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
