Only a mothe r could love this liver
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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