you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
