He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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