my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
