I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
