He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
