I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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