Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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