come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
