You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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