just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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