You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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