I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
