Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
