first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
