Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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