oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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