I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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