there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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