I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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