How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Quick, to the slutcave!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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